i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
