Plan B is the new Plan A
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
