whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
