apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
50% drunk capacity currently
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
