I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
