so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
