what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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