THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
