We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
