i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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