Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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