mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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