we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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