I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
