you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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