I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
