Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
