do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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