so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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