I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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