If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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