So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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