Umm I'm too high to move.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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