Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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