Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
