ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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