guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
