Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
