I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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