i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
