so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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