I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
