I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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