Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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