I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
