I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
