i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
