The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He did a backflip because drugs
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