Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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