Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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