let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
