READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
