My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
