I'm lost and stupid without you.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
