I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
