It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
