i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
