I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
