one two three fourrrrnication!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
