that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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